The Ties That Bind

When you truly feel this equal love for all, when your heart has expanded so much that it embraces the whole of creation, you will certainly not feel like giving up this or that. You will simply drop off from secular life as a ripe fruit drops from the branch of a tree. You will feel that the whole world is your home. - Ramana Maharshi in the Zen Calendar (June 11, 2009)

Day 40. Blogging in Beauty. I am glancing up from my (borrowed) computer every 15 seconds to look out a huge window at snow capped mountains as they fade to purple in the twilight. Mountains I skied upon all day long, while huge snowflakes swirled around me. Thank you, Buddha.

I am on vacation with my brother, my son, and my two nephews. Yes, all members of the group previously referenced regarding the ADD gene, the "I can't fall asleep because my brain won't shut down syndrome," the offspring and grand-offspring of the Poster Family for Alcoholic Dynamics. Dad has been sober for 15 years now, and we've come a long way. We laugh a whole lot, we say outrageous things right out loud, we love bigger and hug harder. There is an implicit sense of belonging, of being completely uninhibited, of being fully known and loved anyway. We also grate on each other's nerves, act obscenely inpatient with each other and the rest of the world, and rarely censor bodily functions (can teenaged boys censor ANYTHING?) Our families' annual Spring Break Trek To The Mountains is undoubtedly my most beloved rite of Spring.

This is the first my nephews have heard of the blog. They were stunned and amazed since their Aunt (cyber-phobic that she is ) even boycotted texting until sometime late in 2008. When I explained the idea of blogging and meditating, they couldn't wrap their multitasking monkey minds around the concept of sitting still for 20 minutes in a row. Together, they couldn't come up with anything that sounded more difficult. But here's the coolest thing: they were utterly accepting and supportive of my endeavor. Some of the vocabulary from the blog has carried over into our banter. We all talk about the chattering monkeys, and the new crew motto is: Ski Through It. As our first evening wound down and "cushion time" approached, everyone just watched matter of factly as I took one of the sofa cushions and placed in on the floor facing the wall. I was much less blasé, feeling rushed and self-conscious as I attempted to execute my month-old ritual in foreign surroundings for the first time.

After two very deep bows, I sat down on an unfamiliar sofa cushion in the unfamiliar suite of a nondescript hotel chain and began to breathe. Honoring my commitment to blog and meditate every single day felt overwhelmingly difficult. It is one thing to be consistent on my home turf; another thing entirely to keep my practice in the midst of vacation chaos. While anxiety and trepidation built to a crescendo, I formed my mudra, straightened my spine, and set my timer. Breathe through it. It wasn't long before I settled more deeply into the cushion, into my breath, into the familiarity of my ritual. The anxiety waned. Calm crept in on the heels of my exhale.

I have a new way of trying to quiet the monkeys. I envision the deepest part of my brain - the lizard brain when I explain it to my clients - the place where our primitive, carnal, ancient self is housed. It is down around the region of the amygdala and the hypocampus. Deep and distant from the thinking and speaking brain. As my consciousness rests on this innermost part of me, I then envision an even more primordial facet of myself. Something cellular, then molecular, and then . . . I'm left with wonderment at what lies beyond the most minute, subatomic fiber of my being. That's when the monkeys go silent. That's when, for less than a second, my Self disappears. I can't yet remain in the No-Self state for longer that a hearbeat - something pulls me back. Probably not my amygdala. Probably something originating far more forward in my thinking brain -- the anatomical housing of my ego. It still squirms at the idea of mind and body falling away. It still wants to drive the ship of my Self.

While perched on the strange sofa cushion last night, I dipped near my lizard brain and beyond. I felt an archetypal kinship with my family that transcended our common ancestors. Briefly, I returned to that ecstatic place of supreme love, feeling deeply rooted in the ties that bind. A profound sense of gratitude and expansiveness followed. Then words for the blog flooded my mind: Cleave to your clan. Tether to your tribe. Surrender to the beauty and grace that awaits within the One.

Gassho,
CycleBuddhaDoc