No Purpose at All

The highest purpose is to have no purpose at all. This puts one in accord with nature, in her manner of operation. - John Cage in the Zen Calendar (July 6,2009).

Day 104. I'm noticing a pattern here. Mondays are never my best posts.

Living in an area totally surrounded by tornado carnage is probably not the best environment for someone who is adrenally challenged. Come to think of it, it's not a good environment for anyone. Every time I drive down Hiawasse Road, the magnitude of the wreckage engulfs me. My OCD bolts front and center, and I have irrepressible urges to leap out and start raking. Odd, since we are months away from the raking phase of this cleanup. The backhoe, chainsaw, front loader phase is going to take a long time.

Zazen is providing little relief, which is Zen's prerogative. I haven't touched upon quiet, or nothingness, or blue/black darkness, or tinges of the fringe, or hurtling into a void in over a week. Basically, I just sit. The twenty-five minutes doesn't seem particularly long or short; the Monkeys are neither boisterous nor cooperative; nothing substantive even occurs at the twenty-third minute. Even the blog titles that used to tumble through my consciousness have gone silent. I suppose there can be zazen plateaus and fixations like in any other process. Although, how can you get stuck when there is nothing to attain?

I ask myself each night, while sitting erect on my cushion, "Am I sitting as if my life depends on it? I don't know how to sit any more earnestly. Bow a little deeper? Check my mudra with a level? Guess I could try new incense or burn one of those candles with the Japanese symbol for "compassion" on it. When I scan my memory, however, these are not solutions posed by my teacher. It's like I'm sitting in the thick of beige. Interestingly, I don't feel emotional about any of this. I guess that's a good thing. Maybe I'm in the midst of the "Just Sit" part of sitting. Can do.

When I selected the quote at the beginning of this post, it fit because I identified with the "no purpose at all" part of it. As I reread the quote, however, I was struck by the second part. I have been thinking about the wrath of Mother Nature a lot over the past week. It feels strangely relieving to be reminded that nature's manner of operation achieves the highest purpose of all, which is to have no purpose. That frees me up to stop searching for meaning or sense in the middle of all this random destruction. There is no sense to be found. Maybe I am also in the midst of the "Just This" aspect of Zen. Can do.

Dwelling in Reality certainly has its ups and downs. I understand that Reality doesn't care; it just marches on to infinity and beyond. Acceptance of the Big R comes much easier when it matches the version I prefer. So there it is: absolute proof that I have LOTS of sitting left to do. I'd better get started.

Gassho,
CycleBuddhaDoc