Shaking Mudra, Flickering Flame 2

Some things can't be expressed in words. - My dear friend Chylene

14th Day of Meditation and Blog. I'm feeling centered and stronger. The love of close friends abides.

As I blogged last night, for the first time I became a little unnerved and executed Premature Blog Stoppage. It's hard to explain what happened. The concept I was attempting to describe was not that complex, but it felt enormously important and I experienced a tremendous sense of responsibility in trying to communicate it. The idea was as simple as this: When we drift away from center it begins to feel precarious; when we return to center we regain our equilibrium. Whew. There it is. Told you I was feeling centered and stronger. It was such a relief when I told Chylene about what had happened -- about my Blogger's Block -- and she answered, with her usual compassion and serenity, "Some things can't be expressed in words."

Interestingly, meditating on the block enabled me to set it aside tonight and compose a single sentence to express the idea. I'm pretty sure last night's difficulty with writing is attributable to the strong feelings caused by my experience with the shaking mudra. Sometimes the most simple and obvious things take on grandiose proportions when they are accompanied by a sense of wonder, discovery, awe, and "Ah, Hah!" The lesson I learned is that intense feelings don't necessarily turn the simple into the complex. The insight - the truth I bumped into - just sits there like it always has -- because that's the way of Truth. It just solidly exists as being TRUE, regardless of the silly human emotion swirling around it.

Which brings me to the Flickering Flame. During the same zasen time that I observed the shaking mudra, I also had an insight into the flame of the candle I burn while sitting. A lot can happen in 20 minutes! I realize the candle is not a sentient being, however, lessons can be received from its behavior just the same. I had this bizzare recognition that the flame of the candle did not care at all how it flickered. It just did. There was no discernable breeze or draft in the room, and yet the flame would flicker and be still, flicker and be still. There was no consciousness or monkey chatter for the candle, the wick, or the flame. Not an inkling of "Am I moving too much? Too little? Is my flame the right shade of blue? Does it fade to orange at the right spot? Too much lean to the left? To the right? Am I burning off center?" You get the picture. The candle flame just IS. I'm pretty sure I actually felt a twinge of jealousy at the utter and absolute freedom of the flame to simply FLICKER. No thoughts, worries, evaluations, perceptions, preconceived notions, expectations, or comparisons. It just lit up and WAS. I responded to the insight in much the same way I did with the Mudra Shakes. Emotion flooded through me. My desire to emulate the Flickering Flame was intense. The desire was followed by a startling realization: Don't emulate the flame. BE the flame. As if that wasn't earth-sharttering enough, another flash of insight shimmered: You don't have to BE the flame. You ARE the flame. Already. Just as you are.

Some things are so true it just doesn't take many words to tell about them at all. So now I can stop, and it's not premature. I'm headed off to burn. Just as I am.

Gassho,
CycleBuddhaDoc