One Good Breath - For Real!

How wonderful! How wonderful! All things are perfect exactly as they are! - The Buddha

Day 20. The big Two-Oh. February tarries.

I swear I do not make this stuff up! It stuns and amazes me how each day offers up something to write about. And so far NONE of what floats to the surface of my blogging brain has remotely resembled those dream blogs I created before I actually sat down at my keyboard. Life is an interesting place in which to dwell. Since starting my blog, I often recall something my friend Whitney once said when we were discussing my (rather lengthy) analysis: "I don't think I could lie on the couch that long. After about three sessions, I'd say, 'That's it. I'm done. All tapped out.'" (Whitney is extraordinarily sane.) In the approximate decade I laid on the couch, I never reached the bottom of my psyche. Never seemed to run out of material. Evidently, my neuroses knew no end. I'm hoping that, at least for the next 11 months, my blogging muse is as interminable.

I stepped out of my office tonight into the crisp, cold winter air, and guess what? I drew ONE GOOD BREATH! Effortlessly. Thoughtlessly. Mercifully. Then I began to laugh out loud because I ALWAYS draw a breath like that when I first step outside at the end of a long work day - not just the day after I've written an entire blog about what a lousy breather I am! Customarily, I don't take this breath at the end of a long day without mindfulness, either. I always have an acute awareness of how beautiful that first inhalation of outside air feels after being inside all day. I register the temperature, the scent and moisture in the air, a breeze or gust of wind, the position of the sun if it is still out. Inevitably I say a quiet "Thank you" to the source of the breath.

My point is that, while obsessing over a good breath in meditation, I had entirely forgotten about this habit of breathing in deeply when I first step outside after work. My mind was so constricted, so focused on the status of my breath during meditation, when I'm "supposed" to be breathing in a certain way, that I disregarded the terrific breaths that occur in other contexts. I'm a pretty durn good breather in my Pilates class, where breath can be the difference between successfully performing a move and falling off my reformer. I must be breathing okay when I'm topping a steep ascent on my mountain bike - because my heart rate is about 190 beats per minute and I don't lose consciousness!

No wonder the Buddha smiles so much. If I watch carefully, there is a lot to get tickled about! Like missing what surrounds me - what is occurring naturally - because I'm so focused on the effort of making it happen - in my time, my way, my version of the universe. I cannot fathom how much I miss while living in the world so deeply steeped in my ego.

Humble bows once again to the wisdom of my practice. I'm headed for my cushion, and whatever breaths may come.

Gassho,
CycleBuddhaDoc