Slices of the Pie

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thought. With our thoughts, we make our world. - The Buddha in the Zen Calendar (May 11, 2006).

Day 239. The weather is so lovely, I wish I could be on my bike from sunrise to sunset. Alas, my miserly schedule permitted a mere hour to ride today. I wrung as many miles from the vanishing light as I could. The cooler temperatures are causing mountain bike thoughts to tickle the fringes of my consciousness. The switch from road to trail is always humbling. Sometime in early fall, just as I start feeling like a strong cyclist, the dirt beckons. There is nothing like those first excursions of fat tire pedaling to remind me that feeling strong is always a relative term.

During zazen last night, it occurred to me to pay attention to the content of the thoughts that incessantly distract me from my breath and my Buddha nature. Talk about humbling! I would love to report that my Monkey Chatter centers around substantive, provocative topics of world import. Not so much. When I honestly examined the subject matter of my mind during zazen, most thoughts fell under mundane and inconsequential topics. I envisioned a pie graph depicting proportion of time spent on various thought categories.

The pie distribution would look something like this: Roughly 50% of the 40 minutes were consumed with money thoughts. More accurately, lack-of-money thoughts. Another 15% was wasted on home improvement thoughts, all of which were rendered moot by the first category. The next pie slice contained non-here-and-now thoughts, comprising about 25% of total time. Within that hefty slice were thoughts about the past (several what-ifs, some reflections on summer rides, editorial comments on previous blogs) intermingled with thoughts about the future (errands to run, clients for tomorrow, arranging and rearranging weekend tasks, infinite trivial minutia). A paltry 5% of time was actually dedicated to some fairly decent inhaling and exhaling, leaving the remaining 5% accounted for by the 120 seconds required to redirect my focus back to my breath 120 times. Sheesh. After 238 consecutive days of sitting, I would have predicted a different graphic. Ah, such is zazen.

So, if we truly are what we think, last night's sitting session indicates I am a financially challenged, domestically frustrated zazen student who has great difficulty staying in the here-and-now. Terrific. If I had a Face Book page, I would be less than thrilled to post that as my status. (Though I am thrilled that I continue to refrain from having a Face Book page!) These are not the thoughts of which I want to make my world.

As I re-read the quote from tonight to inspire my conclusion, I had an epiphany. This quote has always confused me, because my understanding was that the Buddha was all about imparting a method to teach us how to NOT have thoughts. Why, then, would he say "we are what we think." My epiphany was this: The Buddha DID provide us with a way to practice emptying our mind of thoughts - that is his beautiful gift of zazen. The quote says our thoughts make "OUR" world, not "THE" world. It is only when we relinquish our thoughts (and the ego illusion that creates them) that we are able to apprehend the world as it actually IS: a perfect, loving Whole that envelopes and contains us.

Whew. Heavy stuff. I am headed to my cushion. With no aspirations. Other than a burning desire to redistribute my pie graph.

Gassho,
CycleBuddhaDoc