Two Cents Worth

Day 62. Note to Readers: I reference the blog dated March 29, 2010, titled "Tri-Titled Blog" in today's post. Additional note to Readers: I have always wanted to write a "note to readers." Charlotte Bronte addresses her readers directly in "Jane Eyre" and, even though she wrote the book about 90 years before I was born, it always felt like she was speaking to me personally. I think it is a nice touch.

I'm wondering if it is an inevitable characteristic of middle age to get "stuck in your ways." I'd like to reframe this aspect of myself as "knowing more clearly what I want" but perhaps I should just admit I am growing stuck in my ways and get on with it. The perspective and feelings of this Monday felt eerily identical to last Monday, right down to the blog I planned to right. I took a walk (although I altered the route -- THERE! Proof that I am NOT stuck in my ways) and found myself ruminating on the cruel shock of the transition from the weekend to the first work day. I find this odd, because I genuinely love what I do and consider myself quite fortunate to have such an ideal work setting.

For some reason I FEEL everything more acutely on Mondays. My clients' pain, the state of the economy, climate change, polarized and extreme political views, and the latest atrocity by terrorists seem to seize me with a tighter grip on Mondays. An accompanying feeling of responsibility and helplessness follows. Since all cognition leads to contemplating material for the blog, I wind up puzzling over how to write about these significant phenomena. My inevitable conclusion is that others are writing about newsworthy events with much more knowledge and conviction. I should probably stick to zazen stuff. My thinking becomes maddeningly circular when I remind myself that EVERYTHING potentially falls under the umbrella of "zazen stuff." This is not helpful in narrowing the scope of my writing.

As I so repetitiously point out, the heart of sitting is practicing the art of living fully in the moment. In incredibly small increments, I am learning to trust that each and every moment offers something to write about, if I just pay attention to it. It requires jarring my brain from the default circuitry that entombs it. Unfortunately, my default circuits are deeply embedded. I will probably be sitting zazen for several lifetimes before I discover the first number in the combination lock on the gate to Nirvana. Not to worry - I only plan to blog about it for this first year.

Today my neural pathways were delightfully jolted a few steps after I bent to pick up two pennies on my walk. For real. I couldn't possibly make this stuff up. I mentioned before that I tend to walk with my head down in order to look for coins. Last Monday, I found three pennies early in to my walk and planned to write a blog about "My Three Cents Worth" until I found the quarter and the planned blog was preempted. When I read over that blog, it occurred to me that the phrase was actually based on "two cents." Didn't seem to matter because I went off in the direction of the Tri-Titled Blog. And now, exactly one week later while I am once again walking and thinking about how badly I am not looking forward to writing a blog about my dismal mood on Mondays, I look down and there is two cents staring up at me. I'm tempted to deem it a Peak Experience, but it seems more weird than "peak."

The strangest thing is that the idea for tonight's blog didn't come to me instantaneously upon finding the two pennies. I scooped them up with my usual brief association to how strange it is to find coins on almost every single walk. My default circuitry immediately returned to the thought stream about discouraging Mondays. Then -- BAM! My neurons ignited with pleasure at the recognition that I could write, literally, about "two cents worth" in tonight's blog. I resigned myself to the possibility of finding more money and being thwarted again, but fortunately those two pennies were my evening's total spoils. For the remainder of the walk, I pondered the moment when my brain clanged open, i.e. when I associated finding the coins with a clever blog title and subsequent material, rather than simply pocketing the pennies and defaulting to ongoing ruminations. As I have with similar recent provocative mind bends, I credited my meditation for the jolt.

This rather lengthy depiction has far exceeded my two cents worth. Simplistically, I just wanted to illustrate the point that meditation can be a powerful tool with which we interrupt our deeply entrenched patterns of thought and behavior. Apparently it awakens new connections and takes familiar thinking routes on detours. I think the world is in stark need of new ideas and notions. Old solutions are proving unsuccessful as we evolve into a profoundly global, interconnected planet. Perceptions and ideas that fit THIS moment have the greatest likelihood of being helpful, because they are the ones that belong. Jolt your circuits. Jar your defaults. That's my two cents' worth.

Gassho,
CycleBuddhaDoc